Self Help – Ryan's Book Blog

Can I Say That?: How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real Good

March 25, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published in 2023, Can I Say That?: How Unsafe Questions Lead Us to the Real Good by Brenna Blain explores the role of doubt, difficult questions, and personal struggles in the context of Christian faith. Drawing from her own experiences with mental illness, same-sex attraction, and spiritual uncertainty, Blain encourages readers to bring their most challenging and uncomfortable questions into their relationship with God rather than hiding them. She emphasizes that faith does not require the absence of doubt but can coexist with it, suggesting that growth often comes through wrestling with what feels unsafe to ask.

My Thoughts

I really struggled with this book. Blain shares very raw and largely unfiltered thoughts about her life, which were very hard to relate to. I believe her intent was the exact opposite by trying to show her weaknesses to become approachable. However, she came off as entitled, ungrateful, and she just plain misses the point.

Much of what she says is good and works with my belief system. Christ does love us, and God is indeed good. However, Christ is not “madly in love with us,” nor is He “broken with us.” Perhaps the limitations of the English word “love” led to some confusion, but there were several points she didn’t quite get right. My main concern with her perspective is how she repeatedly blames God for her struggles. God isn’t a snowplow or helicopter parent whose role is to remove all hardship from our lives. This mortal experience is meant for learning and growth, which can’t happen if we are treated like spoiled children. We are commanded to love God with all our heart, might, mind, and strength, and to love our neighbors as ourselves. Blain’s version of God is one who makes no demands, but I believe God loves us too much to expect so little from us.

She made a good attempt to pull it all together at the end, but it was only the last few paragraphs. I honestly hope she does a better job reaching people in her ministry.

Recommendation

Skip this one.

How to Let Things Go

March 21, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published on November 12, 2024, How to Let Things Go: 99 Tips from a Zen Buddhist Monk to Relinquish Control and Free Yourself Up for What Matters by Shunmyo Masuno offers readers practical guidance on achieving a calmer, more focused life. Drawing from Zen Buddhist principles, the book presents 99 concise lessons that address modern challenges such as information overload and social media distractions. Masuno emphasizes the importance of setting boundaries, embracing imperfection in relationships, and accepting that not everything is within our control. By adopting these practices, individuals can cultivate mental clarity and emotional well-being.

My Thoughts

This book was literally so good I had to go through it again. It was a short but highly applicable set of mantras and good ideas from someone who has thought about them for more than the usual 5-10 seconds. My favorites are “Be humble, be humble, be humble” and “stop with all the bragging”. There were a few that I can accept as good ideas, but I’m not quite ready to get rid of all my unused clothing. (Sometimes it gets cold and I need to match…)

Recommendation

Great read.

Maybe Everything is Okay

March 12, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published in September 2024, “Maybe Everything Is Okay: A Parent’s Guide to Less Stress and Worry” by Allison Carmen introduces the “Maybe mindset,” a perspective designed to help parents manage the uncertainties of raising children. Building upon her previous work, “The Gift of Maybe,” Carmen offers strategies to reduce stress and embrace the unknown as a space filled with possibilities. This guide encourages parents to adopt a flexible approach, aiming to foster resilience and hope in both themselves and their children.

My Thoughts

The idea of framing everything with the word “maybe” is a decently sound method to minimize fear of the unknown. It aims to allow the mind to accept even a “bad” circumstance can end well. However, this is a hard sell to someone who is stuck in the victim or control mindset. It also didn’t speak much to creating other possibilities. However, I agree it is beneficial to keep an open mind to positive outcomes rather than stay mired in disappointment. If “maybe” get’s you there then I’m happy for you. Still, don’t forget that most emotions have their uses. Anger and disappointment have been very useful to me in terms of motivation to action and I’ve done some of my best work while emotionally upset.

When it comes to parenting, sometimes the best thing a kid needs to hear is, “no”. Ask any kid what it really means when their mom replies to a request with “maybe”. Maybe is not a word I would have gone with for this concept though it is descriptive. Perhaps, not necessarily, you never know, in shāʾ Allāh, or a host of others may have been a better fit. Maybe…

Recommendation

Not a bad read and some good reminders.

The 5 Resets

March 8, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published on January 16, 2024, “The 5 Resets: Rewire Your Brain and Body for Less Stress and More Resilience” by Dr. Aditi Nerurkar presents five actionable mindset shifts designed to help readers manage stress and prevent burnout. Dr. Nerurkar reframes stress as a natural biological response that, when properly managed, can enhance well-being. The book introduces the following five resets:

Get Clear on What Matters Most
Find Quiet in a Noisy World
Sync Your Brain and Your Body
Come Up for Air
Bring Your Best Self Forward

Each reset is accompanied by three science-backed techniques, offering readers practical tools to recalibrate their relationship with stress and enhance resilience.

My Thoughts

This book was a good compilation of ideas and techniques to reframe, reset, rethink, and just make life a little easier. There were multiple times during my reading where I stopped and thought, “I should do that.” Fortunately, there were some that I have done and even some I’m still doing.

I find it is worth the time and effort to read one of these books every now and again. The motivation fades over time and it is easy to fall back into the same patterns.

Recommendation

Slow start but a good read.

The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning

February 24, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published in 2018, “The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning” by Margareta Magnusson introduces the Swedish concept of “döstädning,” which involves decluttering one’s possessions to simplify life and alleviate the burden on loved ones after one’s passing. Drawing from personal experiences, Magnusson provides practical advice on determining which items to keep and which to discard, aiming to make the process uplifting rather than overwhelming. The book encourages readers to embrace minimalism, fostering thoughtful consideration of their belongings and the memories associated with them.

My Thoughts

I’ve enjoyed the ideas of minimalism and more particularly as we come to the later years. I have a great deal of stuff as I imagine most of us do. I had a birthday relatively recently and was asked what I wanted for it. That’s a hard question really. I am blessed with both inexpensive needs and enough funds to cover those moderate needs. Thus, I really don’t lack for anything and have no idea what I might want for my birthday. (Particularly since it would be purchased with my own funds.)

The flip side of that coin is I am happy with my stuff. Yes, it is always good to go through your things and I am a fan of the less is more mentality. Yet, I am someone who will keep those left over screws and bolts knowing there will be a time they will come in handy. This book does a great job of explaining how to get started and how to have the proper frame of mind to move forward.

I loved the idea of downsizing by giving things away to people you care about. I had my grandfathers hammer after he died, which meant a great deal to me. However, it would have meant much more to me if he had given it to me himself with a few stories about how it was used. I really have to look at why I’m keeping things and for what purpose. (The chances aren’t great, but it could happen.)

Recommendation

A good read and relatively quick

Supercommunicators

February 17, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published in 2024, “Supercommunicators: How to Unlock the Secret Language of Connection” by Charles Duhigg examines the elements that make conversations effective and how individuals can enhance their communication skills in both professional and personal contexts. Duhigg identifies three types of conversations—practical, emotional, and social—and emphasizes the importance of recognizing and aligning with each to foster meaningful connections. Through a blend of research and storytelling, he provides insights into understanding the underlying layers of dialogue, enabling readers to become more effective communicators.

My Thoughts

I heard about this book on a podcast and it seemed interesting. It started out very strong and was doing a great job outlining why and how being a “super communicator” is both beneficial and possible. This is the reason I wanted to read the book, yet toward the end was unfortunate. Duhigg delved into the world of DEI, which seemed like overreach. Still, it was a good read.

Recommendation

Not bad.

How to Flourish

January 31, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published in June 2023, “How to Flourish: An Ancient Guide to Living Well” is an abridged translation of Aristotle’s “Nicomachean Ethics” by Susan Sauvé Meyer. This work distills Aristotle’s exploration of human flourishing, emphasizing the cultivation of virtue through habitual practice and intellectual engagement. Aristotle provides practical guidance on various aspects of daily life, including managing emotions, financial prudence, and social interactions, while also distinguishing different forms of wisdom essential for a fulfilling life. Meyer’s translation aims to make these classical insights more accessible to contemporary readers, offering connecting commentary and presenting the original Greek text alongside the English translation.

My Thoughts

Honestly, I read this nearly 3 week ago and I don’t remember any takeaways from the book. It gave a lot of generalizations but nothing worth remembering.

Recommendation

Just read the Nicomachean Ethics straight from the source.

How to Innovate

January 14, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published in 2021 “How to Innovate: An Ancient Guide to Creative Thinking”, edited by Armand D’Angour, draws on Aristotle’s philosophical concepts to explore the nature of creativity, problem-solving, and innovation. This is a modern work interpreting Aristotle’s methods and ideas. The book delves into how Aristotle’s views on rhetoric, ethics, and practical reasoning can inspire fresh thinking in contemporary challenges. By examining ancient wisdom, the text provides insights into fostering ingenuity, addressing obstacles, and applying logical yet imaginative approaches to innovation in various fields.

My Thoughts

I don’t know that I came away with anything practical in this work. There seemed to be a number of anecdotes and various ideas spread throughout the book but there wasn’t much of a takeaway. For example, the image on the cover was Aristotle’s famed “Eureka” moment of figuring out how to discover the volume of a complex object. The story was told but there wasn’t much in the way of how to apply the principles to everyday life. Perhaps I’ve read too much on the subject of creative thinking to notice the point the author was trying to make.

Recommendation

I’d skip this one.

Toxic Positivity

January 12, 2025 by Ryan

Background

Published in 2022, “Toxic Positivity: Keeping It Real in a World Obsessed with Being Happy” by Whitney Goodman examines the societal pressure to maintain constant positivity, even during challenging times. The book delves into how dismissing negative emotions in favor of a perpetually cheerful outlook can hinder genuine emotional processing and personal growth. Goodman provides insights into recognizing and addressing toxic positivity, advocating for a more balanced approach to emotional well-being that acknowledges the full spectrum of human experiences.

My Thoughts

For the most part, Goodman’s book was in line with my preconceived notions of a healthy individual. Putting a happy face on everything is not the answer. You can’t “manifest” good health, money, skill, or a better partner with positive affirmations. I also appreciated Goodman’s seemingly heretical idea that you don’t need to live in a state of pure bliss all the time (perhaps skipping through fields while holding hands and singing isn’t sustainable in the long term). I really enjoyed her grounded approach to life and her attempt to manage expectations. I feel many people are chasing the wrong ideal and that leads to disappointment if not outright tragedy.

However, I struggled with the author’s need to fully distance herself from the experiences of people with different perspectives. While validating another person’s unique experiences is essential to their acceptance of your validation, the principle cuts both ways. If no one can fully understand another person’s experience, then they can’t claim to understand the experience of any other person. Thus, when Goodman says she can’t understand the experience of a Black person or struggling with gender issues, she is inconsistent to assume understanding of groups she belongs to, such as all women, mothers, or wives. As a practicing counselor, she likely has valuable insights into the diverse groups she works with daily, regardless of her inclusion into their groups. Of course, I can certainly understand the practical challenges of writing books that address sensitive diverse audiences (myself included).

Recommendation

A solid read with many good ideas.

How to Eat: All Your Food and Diet Questions Answered

January 1, 2025 by Ryan

Published in 2020, “How to Eat: All Your Food and Diet Questions Answered” was co-authored by Mark Bittman and Dr. David L. Katz, How to Eat addresses common questions about food, health, and diet in a straightforward Q&A format. The book covers topics such as optimal dietary patterns, the role of carbohydrates, proteins, and fats, and the impact of specific foods like grains, meat, and dairy on health. Bittman and Katz aim to dispel myths and clarify misconceptions surrounding nutrition, providing readers with practical advice for making informed dietary choices. The content is inspired by their popular article on Grub Street, where they shared their perspectives on food and diet.

My Thoughts

This is my wife’s favorite book on dieting or to be more specific, it is on a how best to make a permanent change. Again and again, Bittman and Katz make the point that we know a great deal about what people should eat. What we should eat shouldn’t be in excess or based on one food or even macro nutrient. Our food should be minimally processed and we likely don’t need to eat meat in our food rich country. They also dive into sustainability and ethical considerations.

I liked the book in that the recommendations were based on robust studies and declared biases. A common refrain in the text was, “compared to what” when asked if something is bad. (E.g. Is bread bad? Compared to what? If donuts, yes. If whole grain, no.) The book was easy to read as it is largely in-line with my existing thoughts about food. I don’t know I agree about their position on meat and protein, but I do agree with the rest. The book was a success in that it served to motivate me to eat better.

My Recommendation

Good book