Background
Published in 2023, “Counting the Cost” by Jill Duggar and co-written with her husband Derick Dillard and Craig Borlase, offers an unfiltered look into Jill’s life growing up in the Duggar family, who were featured on the reality show 19 Kids and Counting. Jill shares her experiences of living under the strict rules of her parents, Jim Bob and Michelle Duggar, and the pressures and manipulation she faced while being part of the reality TV world. The memoir details the control her father exerted, including contract disputes and financial injustices, as well as her and Derick’s struggle to break free from the family’s influence to build a life of their own. Jill also explores the impact of her brother Josh Duggar’s scandals on her life and mental health, revealing how the public release of her traumatic experiences affected her and her family.
My Thoughts
I never saw the show, but even I had heard of the Duggar family and would occasionally would be asked if they were “Mormon”. Spoiler, no, they are not. They are a fundamentalist Christian family who was led by an extremist group called the Institute in Basic Life Principles or the IBLP. IBLP’s leader, Bill Gothard, stepped down due to a sexual misconduct scandal while the Duggars were still on TV. IBLP’s teachings include the superiority of the father figure, no consumption of media or internet, the wearing of dresses for females, no dancing and so on.
Much like the book Educated by Tara Westover, this is a story of someone finding life outside of the bubble created by their parents and adapting to it. In that sense, it is an almost universal narrative as we all leave the nest and figure out how to become members of a productive society. Of course, this is an extreme example and the Duggar family are certainly not the norm. I resonated most with Derrick Dillard who truly has the patience of Job as he is portrayed in the book. He seems to have his head on straight as he slowly guided his family away out of, “the umbrella” of her parents. Even the cover photo shows him staring directly at the reader while his wife looks off to the right in the distance.
Recommendation
If you enjoyed the reality show, I’m sure you’d like the book.