Background
Published in May 2025, We Can Do Hard Things: Answers to Life’s 20 Questions is a collaborative work by Glennon Doyle, Abby Wambach, and Amanda Doyle. Drawing from their personal experiences, including Glennon’s anorexia diagnosis, Amanda’s breast cancer, and the death of Abby’s brother, the authors explore twenty recurring questions that address aspects of human existence such as identity, purpose, relationships, and resilience. Through conversations with over 100 individuals, including public figures like Sara Bareilles, Brandi Carlile, and Ina Garten, the book compiles insights aimed at guiding readers through life’s challenges.
My Thoughts
This book was such a disappointment. Quite honestly, I couldn’t get through it. I kept trying to push through, but I just couldn’t make it. Hopefully, it redeems itself in the end, but I sincerely doubt it. I knew nothing about the book other than it was in the self-help section. I like to just pick up a book and read and occasionally that backfires. This experience was one of those times.
It took me a few weeks to put my finger on it, but the book appears to operate under the following assumptions:
- Everyone was and continues to be a victim.
- Everyone is living with “trauma”.
- Everyone has permission to do anything they want.
- Everyone else should honor, respect, and even applaud whatever it is you want.
- Judgement and resentment only stem from others. Your opinions about everyone else isn’t judgement, it’s fact.
First, a quick pet peeve of mine. Trauma actually has a definition in the DSM-5-TR, “Exposure to actual or threatened death, serious injury, or sexual violence.” (The word is thrown around so much in this book it lost the actual meaning. By context, most of what was defined as “trauma” barely rose to the level of irritation.) You pretending to be sick so “everyone else knew their roles” does not count as trauma. (A quote from the book.) Neither does feeling embarrassed, being uncomfortable, or not getting that pony you ever so wanted.
Second, we all have problems. Yet, here is a novel idea, perhaps you could attempt to solve those problems rather than looking around for someone to blame them on? We understand you are the center of your universe, but please, get over yourselves! Maybe develop some listening skills and gain some perspective. You may even thank your parents for not instantly giving into every demand that crosses your mind. Being able to choose integrity over convenience is called building character.
You also don’t get to do everything you want. Every choice has accountability connected to that choice. If a homicidal maniac decides that living according to their “authentic self” is to commit murder, that really isn’t ok. Even if they “sat with their feelings” and truly felt like that is who they are.
Finally, the rest of us really don’t have to put up with your issues. Back to the homicidal maniac, if they take someone’s life, they shouldn’t be surprised that some of us will eventually stop them from doing it. We may even inflict some “trauma” on that individual so they and others know it isn’t ok as well.
We all live in a society and there are rules and norms we all live with. If you break those rules, there will be repercussions. Some of us may not want to be around you anymore. This is no less judging than you complaining about our behavior.
Recommendation
Don’t waste your time. There was an occasional good idea but it was like finding a Dorito floating in pure sewage. As much as I love Doritos, but it just wasn’t worth it.